"She's a manipulative misery machine."
-- Billy on "Melrose Place"

Word Whores

The Word Whore Saga:

Word Whores started out as an email thread among compatriots whose literary fixations are such that they roll around in the meanings of words, much as a hog does in slop. Except for the first entry (where the gentle Marquis uses himself as the unfortunate example), the subjects abused repeatedly in the "examples" are entirely of a fictional, archetypal character. Mainly a Gothic Scene Queen, Nyquolytt (pronounced: Nicolette), who takes herself far too seriously, and her estranged, bedraggled lover, le Mssr.

Nyquolytt truly is a fictional character. No, really. Any resemblence to persons living or undead is purely coincidental. If she were a real person, she would know who she was.

I will not bore you with the educational possibilities of this, our cherished endeavor, so poise yourselves over your dictionary, and prepare for a bumpy ride ...

The Ugli Duchesse

The Words

Used In A Sentence

Paramnesia : a disorder of memory; a condition in which the proper meaning of words cannot be remembered.

The Example : The Marquis Déjà Dû asked to be reminded of who sent the word out meaning 'to forget a word.' The poor sod must suffer from PARAMNESIA, for the word in question meant not knowing the correct meaning of a word -- not what he thought at all. Further, the man must be senile for he was the dispatcher of the original email, himself. Surely he must qualify for disability.

Paramimia : a misuse of gestures in expressing thought that produces an appearance of inappropriateness of affect. (also see MIME.) [!!!]

The Example : Nyquolytt, alone in her fashionably appointed cuisine, stirred her sauce, spinning the spoon in a great circumference -- such paramimia reflecting more the needs of her soul than the size of her fricassee. She thought, hauntingly, "Was it something I said?" A single tear fell into the pot producing a paramimic splash. It was all quite tragically beautiful.

Omphalaskepsis :Contemplation of one's navel as an aid to meditation.

Quiddity : 1a: a trifling point : QUIBBLE 1b: CROTCHET, ECCENTRICITY 2: whatever makes something to be of the type that it is : ESSENCE

The Example : Subjecting oneself to a thorough omphaloskesis of the grand quiddity of Nyquolytt, you will come up with nothing more than "But she has a great aesthetic!"

Trench Mouth : (as opposed, I suppose, to Trent Mouth, which would have something to do with gray film, foul odors and Trent Reznor?): "a form of gingivitis characterized by pain, foul odor and the formation of a gray film over the diseased area."

The Example : Nyquolytt begged le Mssr. to give her one more chance. She fell dramatically to her knees, weeping silently but hauntingly, and rested her head in his lap. So fragile, so alone, yet so beautiful. Le Mssr., who hadn't been paying attention until he felt her drop into his lap, leapt up screaming: "HEY! Not with that TRENCH MOUTH you're NOT!!"

Jacititation : a tossing to and fro or jerking and twitching of the body or its parts.

The Example : Nyquolytt, through most of her 31 years, thought she could "fake it" by effusive jacititation, although she eventually figured out that the timing of this jacititation needed to be coordinated with the actual act.

Quomodo : Means or Manner

Quixotic : idealistic and utterly impractical; marked by rash lofty romantic ideas doomed to fail.

Qua : insofaras

Queechy : sickly, puny

Quean : A disreputable woman; a prostitute

Quinton : a five-stringed violin tuned G, Db, Ab, D#, G# (what the FUCK kinda scale is THAT?)

Quirt : (One of my favourties from my youth): Riding crop.

Quitch : Couch Grass

Quoz : Something queer or absurd

(deep breath) -- (cheerleaders' priming:) Ready, OKAY!

The Example : QUESTINGLY, Nyquolytt gazed at her queechy reflexion in the looking glass and sighed convincingly to herself, "I am not hauntingly beautiful this rabid morning." The quoz accosting her from the glass brought to mind a fantasy to make things 'all right' again. She languished and longed for a quirt to take to le Mssr. qua le Mssr.'s recent coup. He had stabbed deeply upon his departure. He had stabbed darkly. He had stabbed hauntingly. He had rendered her ambitions quixotic. Something she didn't like to admit was status quo. Now, she had nowhere to turn. Spackling on some immaculate maquillations (n: make-up -- hard Q to keep the brilliant alliterations flowing, girls) she wafted out her door like a capricious winter chill, ruminating upon the various quomodos of revenge at her disposal. She was preoccupied that le Mssr. would have found some new paramour -- and she would undoubtably be a quean. She came across a field of quitch and crumpled to the earth shedding a single quizzical tear. Her angst emanated from her taut, gaunt, jaundiced, yet hauntingly aquiline visage quaquaversally. She strummed her quinton languidly, savouring every dissonant chord and hissed under her breath to the clouds, "Fuckkkkkkkk." Nyquolytt was in a quandry.

Eustress : an emotional state of fun-fear or pleasurable discomfort.

The Example : The antics of Nyquolytt produce a heightened sense of eustress in all of us.

Written and Compiled by The Editors